I believe the church has done a poor job with purity culture because, instead of conveying the true purpose and beauty of sex within the context of a biblical covenant, we’ve largely painted it as something inherently shameful. The conversation around purity has often been framed in negative terms—"avoid," "don't," "stay away"—focusing so much on abstinence that we’ve missed an opportunity to elevate sex as a sacred, God-given gift within marriage. By doing so, the church has unintentionally taught generations to view sex with fear or guilt rather than as a joyful and intimate expression of love within the confines of God’s perfect design.
This failure is most glaring in how purity culture has disproportionately placed the burden of responsibility on women, particularly young girls. We’ve cultivated a system where girls are instructed to be the gatekeepers of purity, often bearing the weight of the consequences for any perceived failure. They're taught to dress modestly, to avoid "tempting" their brothers in Christ, and to shoulder the blame if boundaries are crossed. Meanwhile, young men have largely been left with little responsibility to actively honor their female peers as sisters in Christ. There’s been an alarming imbalance where the purity conversation revolves around how women present themselves, with insufficient emphasis on men cultivating respect, self-control, and a protective attitude towards the dignity and honor of the women around them.
This dynamic not only sets up unhealthy power imbalances but also undermines the biblical teaching that we are all called to mutual respect and love within the body of Christ. Young men should be taught to view every woman not as an object of temptation, but as a sister in Christ—someone to honor and cherish, not exploit or manipulate. This failure to disciple men in this area leaves them ill-equipped to engage in relationships with integrity and respect.
Instead of focusing on external behaviors, the church needs to shift the conversation towards God’s plan for sex in the covenant of marriage. In this context, sex is not just permissible; it's a holy act that fosters unity, vulnerability, and intimacy between husband and wife. When presented through the lens of covenant, sex becomes an expression of trust, love, and self-giving that mirrors the relational covenant we have with God. God's plan for sex in marriage is not about restriction but about protection—protecting our hearts, our relationships, and the profound significance of sexual intimacy. When approached from this perspective, it’s easy to see why God's design for sex is not just “the right thing” but also the best thing for human flourishing.
We should be communicating the idea that God’s plan for sex is rooted in love, commitment, and covenant. Rather than framing the discussion around shame, we should help people see how God’s boundaries are there to enhance the joy and beauty of sex within marriage. The goal isn't merely abstinence until marriage, but a deeper understanding of why this waiting is part of a bigger picture of faithfulness, covenant love, and flourishing relationships.
In the end, purity culture has often fallen short because it hasn't centered the discussion on God’s heart for love, commitment, and holiness in marriage. We need to correct this by teaching that sex, far from being "bad," is a beautiful, sacred gift when experienced in its proper context, and that both men and women have equal responsibility in protecting that sacredness.
Comments